Category Archives: kids

On Love and Lather…

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On Love and Lather…

Learning new skills is a blast for me.   I’m not “young” anymore – when learning things all the time is expected, but learning new things gives me great joy, even if it might be challenging, frustrating, expensive, and just down right hard.  In fact, learning it in spite of those things, is probably the most fun part.

But as I try to talk with people about my passion for taking on new challenges two things often happen.  

The first is I see that look.  You know the one – they’re trying to be supportive, but they’re bored.  They can’t relate and they don’t really want to.

The other thing that happens is that I encounter people who start to listen to my new idea, and then tell me all the reasons why I shouldn’t even try.  Ironically, these are usually people close to me.  Maybe the others are thinking it, but they’re not engaged enough to try to save me from my own folly.

But it’s not folly.  Lots of things don’t turn out the way I want them to, or thought they would.  But it’s very rare that I truly regret trying something.

I’ve been engaging in two bigger pursuits lately.  The first started about two and a half years ago when we knew we were going to go to France for a few weeks to work with some missionaries.  We decided it would be helpful to us, and polite to our hosts, if we tried to learn some basic French phrases.  I did some investigating and because of the beautifully connected network of home educators around the world was able to find a lovely woman in France who was willing to teach my family French via Skype calls three times per week for a few months.  It sounded perfect!

But guess what?  People tried to talk me out of it!  They said it would be too hard.  They said we weren’t going to be there long enough to make it worthwhile.  They said we wouldn’t be able to practice with anyone.  And craziest of all, they said that we shouldn’t attempt to do this without a teacher – and by “teacher” they meant a college professor.

Thankfully, I ignored them and said, “Why not take lessons from a native French speaking home schooling mom?”

And guess what – we learned French.  My kids learned basic phrases and at least enough to show that we were trying hard to engage in the French culture.  And guess what else.  Even though I’m a grandmother, and everyone EVERYWHERE says you can’t learn a new language after age 40, I did learn it – and I found out that I LOVED learning it!  So after our trip was over and we were all back in the States, I continued learning French, and I continue to love it.

(My efforts paid off big-time, too, when I went to a French-speaking country in Africa last year and had to get through airport security during the Ebola outbreak with only French.  That was no easy task!)

The thing is – no one thought it was really worth doing.  No one thought I was serious, and NO ONE really thought I would be able to do it.

But I did.  

Because I just never listened to them.  It’s not that I didn’t hear them – I just didn’t pay any attention to them.

My sister-in-law asked me a long time ago how my siblings and I got such “I can do that” spirits.  I didn’t really have an answer for her then, because, to be frank, I never knew that our attitudes about facing challenges were anything other than ordinary.  But that question has stuck with me over the years and I think I’ve come to a conclusion.

Why do we look at life and think, “I can do that”?  

Because no one was ever around to tell us we couldn’t.  

Now, I’m not advocating leaving your children alone for extended periods of time the way we were – we got into a lot of trouble that having an adult in the general vicinity might have spared us from.  But my mom was working and we were often – usually – on our own.  We didn’t really run in a pack – we each did our own things.  And no one was around to tell us we couldn’t.

If we wanted to cook something we did.  We burned things (and ourselves) but we learned how.  And then we enjoyed the fruits of our labor — because no one told us we couldn’t.

If we wanted to build something we found a way to do it (and knew the neighbors who would give us scraps of wood and bits of this or that that could be used).  I remember figuring out that I could take drawers out of discarded furniture and make miniature rooms out of them.  I stacked them on top of each other and made whole houses.  I used old clothing for curtain material and learned how to use an electric jig saw (God only knows why the neighbor trusted me with that on my own – I was 9!) to make decorative “roofing.”  I braided rugs out of blue jean hems that my aunt cut off of her jeans that were too long.  I’m sure these creations were ghastly looking in reality, but to me they were castles that any queen would have been honored to live in.  I built them — because no one told me I couldn’t.

When I wanted to learn how to sew I found someone who would show me the basics and then I sewed my little fingers off using any and every scrap of fabric I could hustle out of anyone — because no one told me I couldn’t.

I was a terrible reader – actually, I still am.  I have to say the words I read in my head or I can’t understand what I’m reading, so I am s.l.o.w.  But I love to read.  (I think I like knowing what is in the books better than the actual reading of them, but you get the picture.)  I want to know, and slowness means I can’t read as fast as someone else, but I figured out along the way that I could still end up reading a lot of books in 15 minute increments — because no one told me I couldn’t.

Now being without any parental supervision wasn’t the best for us for a whole host of other reasons, but one good thing that came out of it was that (when my grandmother wasn’t around at least) there was also no one being critical of us.  We had the freedom to dream and experiment and fail and try again.  We made colossal messes (yeah – we got in big trouble) but that never seemed to deter us from trying the next great idea that came into our minds.  If something sounded like a great idea the only question that ever came up was, “Why not?”

So when I became a mother I decided early on that I was going to ask myself “why not?” when my kids wanted to do something rather than just say “no.”  

Sometimes there are good reasons not to do something – but mostly there aren’t.

Fear of failure, of what others will think, of doing something unnecessary or “foolish,” or even of making colossal messes – none of these are good reasons to say, “no.”

And I’m going to shock some of you by telling you that even “safety” isn’t always a good reason to say, “no.”  Scrapes and bruises are part of the learning process.  Falling down and failing are part of the learning process.  Dealing with disappointing results, frustrations, defeats, and even losses are all part of the learning process.  OK – I’m not talking about the life-and-death things you really do need to say “no” to – I’m talking about the things like climbing trees and swinging on rope swings out over the pond and sitting on the porch roof and shooting BB guns kind of stuff.  Why would we want to keep that from our children?  Why not walk through those things with our children instead?

Giving my kids the freedom to dream and try and fail and fly was good and right.  It taught them to keep working at things even when it was hard.  It taught them that hard work and tenacity pays off in expected and unexpected ways.  It taught them to be courageous enough to take the right kinds of risks, and that failing at something is not the same as being a failure.  

But most of all, I believe it taught them that I love them not their performance.  They knew that I would be there to rejoice in their successes, but that I would also be there to pick up the pieces when things fell apart – and that tomorrow I would encourage them to try again.  Isn’t that how God loves us?

You see I believe with all of my heart that God gave us an imagination so that we could dream big thoughts and then do big things.  We were not created for the ordinary only – we were created for the extra-ordinary, too.  Our created world is full of wonder and brilliance that a stifled, critical, “safe” childhood will never allow to be revealed..  I have made lots of mistakes over the years to be sure, but I do not regret having a “why not?” attitude while discipling my children into young men and women.

I wouldn’t change that for the world.

And now that my kids are almost all out of the house and grown, it doesn’t need to end – I can still live life in a “why not?” kind of way.

My latest adventure?  Starting my own soap-making business!  Lovely Bee Soaps (in French lovely bee is La Jolie Abeille — because I know you were wondering and it’s WAY cool that I know!) began as a way to bless my neighbors last Christmas.  Making hundreds of little bars of lovely, luxury, oh-so-beautifully-smelling soaps was not a business idea at all, but an affordable way to give something hand-made to our whole neighborhood.

But after we gave them out to neighbors and family and friends, people began asking me to sell them some.  Truthfully, at first I was inclined to say, “Oh no – I just did that as a little hobby sort of thing… just to be nice.”  But after years of training my mind I caught myself and said, “Why not?” instead.

Going from hobby to business is much harder than I thought it would be.  The work that needs to go into learning things that I never dreamed I would need to know is crushing sometimes.  Trying recipes and fragrances is great fun, but labeling things so that the FDA doesn’t come and shut me down, or so that my customers know what they’re getting and want to come back – are all new things!  The website needs work – a LOT… (www.lovelybeesoaps.com – if you look and it’s not up yet you’ll know I’m still learning that, too!), and marketing is a new game… and accounting and pricing…. It’s all brand new to me.  But why not?

If this works it will be a way to earn income without me leaving our home.  If this works I have the opportunity to enrich people’s lives through the small luxury (or la petite jolie) of really, really nice soaps.  If this works I’ve created at least one job (mine) and maybe more!  If this works it could be GREAT!  And if it doesn’t, oh well.  I tried and failed.  I’ll still get up as long as I have breath and pour myself into whatever it is the Lord has in front of me to do.  It won’t be the end of the world.

Love your kids enough to let them dream and try and succeed and fail.  They will love you for it.
And if you know anyone who is looking for shaving soap, no lie, I found the BEST recipe ever — everyone who uses it raves about it and comes back for more!  (Seriously – I tested the foam on this stuff and it was still stiff and luxurious after 20 minutes!)  Send me a note and I’ll hook you up!

And the next time inspiration hits you (or one of your kids!) stifle the urge to protest and give the gift instead of asking, “hey – why not?”

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The Collateral Damage of a Parent’s Sin…

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“The wisest of women builds her house, but a fool tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1

I watched a movie once called Collateral Damage.  It told the story of the horrifyingly negative effects on a couple’s life of “intervention” into another country’s affairs.  I don’t remember a lot about the story – something to do with oil companies in South America I think –  but I do remember the callous response of those individuals responsible for the mess that had been made.  “Oh well,” they shrugged.  “One has to expect a little collateral damage.”

What?!

This wasn’t even a war zone.  One might possibly come to some kind of terms in the context of war, but this? This was so… ludicrous!

And so is the nature of the collateral damage that we create with our own hands and mouths.  As we look ahead to Mother’s Day in a few weeks, and then Father’s Day beyond that, do your families a favor and think with me on these things.

Yes – I know.  This isn’t one of those cute and happy kinds of Mother’s Day thoughts… But if we can get this right, it is worth far more than the cards or candies or even expensive items that will be exchanged on those days and the lingering effects will last for many years to come.

Recently my husband and I were challenged to come up with a list of at least fifty consequences that happen when we sin.  The parameters were to think of things that happen in our personal, marital, and family lives – but for this post, I’m focusing on the things that happen to our children when we sin against them or in front of them.

To be honest, it was difficult to start this list.  I kind of felt like it was a big dragon that I was trying to capture by the tail.  Where do I start?  How do I get a concept like this down on paper?

So, as I often do when I have a puzzle to solve or problem that seems too big, I brought it to the table and presented it to my kids so they could help me organize this list a little better.  They’re clever people and all adults now (or very close to it) so I figured it was a good discussion to have around the table.

They, too, had some trouble grappling with the largeness of the category at first, but after a little discussion our collective thoughts came up with a few ideas.  We started grouping sins into categories, which was certainly an organized approach, but didn’t turn out to be very helpful in actually answering the question, “What are the consequences when we sin?”  It was all good food for thought, and they were actively engaged in the process, but we still hadn’t come up with a good list of consequences when they had to start leaving for various reasons.

I was alone again with my thoughts.

I tried again, trying to think through the many things swirling around my head.  Then I started to remember some specific times that I had had to go to them and ask for their forgiveness.  Painfully I remembered too many times I had hurt them with my words or accusations or tone.  Ouch.

The list started to flow more easily when I thought of how they felt, and how hard it was after some of those times to rebuild what I had carelessly wrecked.  I realized that I wasn’t talking about consequences like paying a fine when I’m late with a library book.  I was looking square in the face of damage.  I was the one who sinned, but they had suffered because of it.

The list (below) is still growing as I realize more fully how damaging my sin is to them.  Whether I have sinned directly against them, or have sinned in their presence, I do damage.  I create casualties out of my own flesh and blood!

How many adults do you know who are still heavily burdened because of how their parents treated them?  How many adults do you know who find it exceedingly difficult to say, “I’m so sorry I hurt you,” because it was rarely (if ever) said to them?  (Maybe you count yourself among them!)  What restoration could there be if we think about the lasting, hurtful effects we have on our children’s whole lives and change how we interact with them?  What love could we bestow on our grandchildren if we teach our children to quickly seek forgiveness?

This year, as we think about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, how about if we give the gift of humble repentance to our children?  I can tell you that the fruit is well worth it.  I couldn’t have had this discussion with my kids if I hadn’t first shown them that they could trust me with the brutal truth.  They have long felt the freedom to come to me and lovingly, call me out on my sin.  I usually don’t want to hear what they have to say – not because I don’t want them to tell me, but because I hate that it is true.  But I am so very grateful that they do come.  What a blessing to see them have the courageous love it takes to rebuke a brother – or, in my case, a mother – because they want the relationship restored and whole again.

Their loving rebukes have helped to change me.  It hasn’t always been easy to change some bad habits.  But habits can be changed and rooting out bad habits is worth all the struggle and failure and repentance and trying again and again that it takes.  It’s hard work.  It can be frustrating and wearisome, but the sweetness in the relationships is so very, very worth it!

Part of discipling our kids is modeling being discipled in front of them.  When we show them that we are willing to be humble and go to them when we have wronged them, then our exhortation that they humble themselves before God holds a lot of weight.  If we never do it, they see straight through us as the hypocrites that we are.

Remembering frequently that we are shepherding souls that will live for eternity helps me to keep things like this in the right perspective.   Unfortunately, we don’t take our sin seriously enough in general, and therefore, we don’t consider all that happens when we sin.  Writing a list of the collateral damage of my sin has been very sobering.  But hopefully it will bear much fruit for a long time to come.

You can read my list – but writing your own, and referring to it regularly, will reap the most benefits for you.  Adding to it as you realize the power of your influence in your home will reap rewards for you  – just as it has for me.  Every parent messes up.  Every parent messes up regularly!  The key to preventing it from becoming irrevocable destruction is to quickly go to even the youngest of children and own it.  Get down on their level, look them in the eyes, and say, “I’m so sorry for doing this to you (be specific).  I’ve sinned against you and it was wrong!  I shouldn’t have done it and I wish I had controlled myself so I didn’t hurt you.  I’m really and truly sorry! Can you please forgive me?”

It’s pretty tough for a child to resist the sincerity of a parent as honest as that.

This year, as mothers and fathers, give the gifts to your children.  Give them the gift of adulthood with as little “parental baggage” as possible.  If you have grievances to address – go to them and seek their forgiveness, not expecting anything from them.  Some things are long-standing and messy.  It may take them a long time to trust that you are sincere in your humility.  But do it anyway.  Your gift will be a blessing for generations to come.

 

Collateral Damage of a Parent’s Sin

What happens when we sin against or in front of our children…

  • We are poor role models for how to be godly men or women
  • We teach them to disregard what God says about humbling ourselves and asking for forgiveness because we disregard it
  • We teach them to disregard what we say about the same thing
  • Our home is not a warm, loving place, but a battle ground
  • Our children are afraid, rather than secure
  • They feel alone, rather than protected
  • They feel rejected, rather than loved
  • They are confused because we’ve violated the standards we’ve set before them
  • They are sad
  • They are broken
  • They feel despair
  • We cut down those we love the most rather than build them up
  • We hurt them now and for years to come
  • We communicate that we don’t trust them
  • We communicate that they can’t trust us
  • We communicate clearly that we don’t love them the way Jesus loves us
  • We sow seeds of doubt in their hearts that God is not who he says he is
  • We communicate that we think we are worth more than they are
  • Our selfishness communicates that we value our own desires more than we value them
  • Our indignation communicates that we haven’t given them permission to call us out on our sin
  • We build walls between ourselves rather than relationships
  • We preach a false Gospel to our children – one that worships self rather than God
  • We create an environment of fear and anxiety rather than love and safety
  • We use our position and authority as tools to get what we want rather than as ways to lovingly serve
  • When we put our needs above their needs it teaches them to do the same
  • We teach them to rebel against us rather than submit to loving parents
  • We create dependence on our approval rather than on the approval of God
  • We teach them to doubt that God has their best interests at heart because we don’t
  • We create cripples rather than soldiers fit for spiritual battle
  • We fail to teach them how to humbly and sincerely repent and seek forgiveness
  • Our selfishness begets selfishness – both in ourselves and in our children
  • We teach them that they have to protect themselves because we haven’t
  • We teach them that they have to build walls up to avoid future hurt
  • When we don’t listen well to them, we communicate that we don’t value what they think or feel
  • We create disillusionment in relationships
  • We teach them to doubt everything we’ve ever said about love and forgiveness because we haven’t lived what we’ve preached.

*This is just the beginning of the list… there is more, so much more to be added.  But you can do that with your own children.  Mine are happily helping me add to this one.  Not so they can point out my faults, but because they know they are loved and want to love their own children well.  None of us wants this to be our legacy.  Getting rid of sin together is a joy!

Whatever you do…

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Man!  I wish they would just do the dishes without grumbling or complaining!!!

You would think that by now I’d have this down.  Thirty years I’ve been a parent and still my kids argue about cleaning up the kitchen.  “It’s not my turn.”  “You didn’t finish your job so now you have to do my job.”  “You didn’t finish on time so now you have extra duty.”  Over and over again I hear, in one form or another, “I’m not taking that responsibility – it’s yours!”

Argh!

“Guys!”  I say, “this is not how we do things here.  Who’s responsibility is it?”  (Lots of lowered eyes and finger-pointing at this point…)

To the apparent offender – “Did you really take care of your responsibility?”

And to the obvious finger-pointers – “Did you try to encourage him to fulfill his responsibility?  Are you walking along side?”

Of course the answer to all of the above is, “Um, no.”

I’ve told my kids (and myself!) this at least a thousand times, “Whatever you do, do it heartily, as unto the Lord…”

What I want them to do is in all things, give it their best efforts.  I want them to have a good work ethic – to think in terms of literally doing even the smallest of chores as if Jesus were coming to our home.  I want that ethic to carry over into their school work and jobs and families and parenting.  I want them to learn to be self-motivated in these things.  We feel better about ourselves when we do the right thing, right?

But it occurs to me that I have been missing an important message in that admonition from Scripture – the important message.  I’ve been focusing in the “heartily” part, but what does it mean to do things “as unto the Lord”?

And, now that I’m thinking about it… what is the broader context of that passage???

That verse is Colossians 3:23, but here’s some framework:  Paul is instructing the Colossian church that they are to live as new creatures – changed completely through the saving work of Jesus…for a reason.

– since you used to be dead in sin, but now are alive in Christ, seek the things that are above, not             below

– put to death all the wickedness that is within you, put on the righteousness of Christ

– don’t let sin rule in you anymore, Jesus is now your head – your authority – he is your ruler

And how  do we do these things?

– be thankful (for Christ’s work in you)

– let the Word dwell in you (read it, memorize it, think deeply on it)

– teach and admonish one another in all wisdom (from that Word)

But the most important question to answer is not “how?” but, “Why?”

Why should we work heartily as unto the Lord?

Why should we put sin to death?

Why should we be thankful?

Why?

The answer is simple, but oh, so easy to miss.

Verse 17 mirrors verse 23:  Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

“Giving thanks to God the Father through him” is glorifying God.  We do what we do to glorify God.

We have a good work ethic – because it upholds God’s reputation and reflects God’s character well.  It glorifies God.

We put on the righteous nature of Jesus and shake off our own wickedness – because it speaks loudly about the power of God to change lives – it reflects God’s character well.  It glorifies God.

We have a cheerful attitude – because it reveals how thoroughly our hearts have been transformed – it reflects God’s character well.  It shows that Christ is in charge of our otherwise wicked hearts – and it glorifies God.

Perhaps what I have actually been teaching my kids has been, “Do the dishes because it makes mom happy.”  Or, “put the food away because it makes mom less crabby.”

I never want my kids to think that making me happy is their highest calling, but I could at least make an argument that teaching them to please their parents is the first step in learning that obedience brings joy.  I could then teach them that learning to obey God in all things glorifies him and he’s kind enough to  make it so that the very same things that bring us the most joy are also the things that glorify him.

But God forbid that I teach my kids that achieving my goals or even their own goals – even admirable goals – is their highest calling.

Rod Dreher explains this eloquently when he writes, “… excellence and knowledge are fine things, but they do not justify themselves. The pursuit of excellence and knowledge must be bounded by moral and communal obligations that rein in the ego and hamstring hubris. Today we live in an age when science often refuses limits, claiming the pursuit of knowledge as a holy crusade. The world praises as daring and creative the transgression of nearly all boundaries—in art, in media, in social forms, and so forth—… these goals can be understood as good only if they are subordinated to right reason, to virtue, and, ultimately, to the will of God.”  (He’s talking about the lessons he learned from reading Dante – be sure to check out the full article!)

So.  What’s the point of all of this?

We need to be reminded (again) that we are utterly prone to wander away from what God wants the most.  Even in my instruction to my kids to learn to take care of their responsibilities (a good thing) I have erred in failing to point them to the best thing.  It is not about making them (or me) feel good about themselves by doing the right thing.  That is a perversion of what God has asked of us.  Great feelings are a beautiful reward that we enjoy from a loving God who wants us to love Him rightly.

But…Whatever you do…?  Remember that the ultimate goal is always, and only to glorify God.  All the other details will clearly fall into place when that is at the center of whatever we do.

Love in the laundry room…

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I spend a lot of time in our laundry room – I mean a LOT.  I learned a long time ago to use that time productively – well, by that I mean using it for more than just getting the laundry done.

Each of my kids has had his/her own laundry bin since they were born and I have a system where I do certain people’s laundry on certain days of the week.  It works for us.

One of the byproducts of my little system is that while I’ve spent week after week, year after year, doing laundry for my family this way, I have prayed for each person specifically, pointedly, fervently  while doing his/her laundry.  I don’t really mind doing the laundry – even though for a family of nine there has certainly been a lot of it.  There’s a lot of love that has happened in my laundry room.

And, because of the volume of laundry and the time that gets spent keeping the process going, the laundry room is one of the first places my kids look for me when they can’t find me.  It is not at all uncommon now for one of them to seek me out for some one-on-one mom time when I’m in there.   There is still a lot of love happening in my laundry room.

So it was no surprise to me when  one of my sons came in to “help”  me fold clothes.  He had been struggling through some weighty issues.

He’s a young man.  He’s reached the age where he is thinking seriously about his mission in life, and looking forward to the time when he can ask a young woman to follow him in it as his wife.   I’m glad he’s giving serious thought to these things.  However, one of his friendships had put a lot of restrictions on him – or at least he felt he should be restricted.  She’s a sweet girl from a great family – she’ll make a wonderful wife and mother some day.  But I didn’t believe that she would be a good fit for him.  He was different around her than he was around us – less prone to laugh at the things we normally laugh at, less willing to engage in activities that we normally enjoy, and a little more inclined to look at others with judgment when they didn’t behave the same way.  This was never her doing – it was his.  He was trying to do what he thought would please her and make her approve of him.  But that’s not how God intends things to be, is it?  He wants us to please Him and look to Him for approval.

We had talked about this inconsistency many times, but he didn’t really want to see it for what it was.  It was the topic of many of my laundry room prayers.

But one day he went with another family to an event that was pure delight to him.  The members of that family (including some young ladies) thoroughly enjoyed his company, and he theirs.  They laughed and took pictures of the day and had a blast together.   It was silly, frivolous, thoroughly enjoyable fun for all of them.

When he came into the laundry room, he was excited to show me the pictures they had taken together and tell me about the day.  He was beaming.

After he told me the stories he wanted to share I took a breath and said, “I have a question for you.  Would ______ have taken those kinds of fun pictures with you?  Would she have even gone to this event with you or would it have been viewed as too frivolous or silly?”  He said, “that’s more than one question.”

But he took my point.

After some reflection he answered truthfully that no,  _____________  would not have gone to the event or taken the silly pictures.  She would have, in fact, probably encouraged him not to waste his time on such silliness.

I asked him how it felt to be with people who just accepted him for him?  How was it to laugh and be yourself and not worry about what might be considered inappropriate to laugh at or want to do – when all of it was innocent fun that had no sinfulness attached to it?   I asked him, too, how it was to be with young ladies who truly appreciate his talents and personality the way they already are without implying that they might be better if….?

He was quiet.

Pressing further, I said, “Son, life can be sweet if you’re with someone who is building you up and encouraging you to be the man that God has intended for you to become.  But it can be really, really long if you’re with someone who always wants to mold you into the image of the man that she wants you to be.  When I see that happening to you, the mother bear comes out in me and I want to protect you from it.  But you need to be looking at these kinds of things in your relationships – especially as you think through the qualities you hope to find in a future wife.”

Still quiet, I asked him, “What do you think about what I’ve said?”

His answer was precious – and so typically him!  He said, after some reflection, “I think Mother Bear has much to share, and I have much to think about.”

OK. I can live with that.

Parents, a lot of discipleship – the vast majority of it – happens in moments like these.  I couldn’t have had that kind of conversation with my son if I didn’t have his heart.  He knows – beyond any shadow of any doubt ­- that I love him.  He knows he can trust me to always tell him the truth.  He knows I will listen to him when he comes to me – even when he has to tell me things I may not want to hear as well.  He knows that I only, and always, have his good in mind.  He’s heard lots and lots of words of affirmation and encouragement over the years, too.  And he has learned to listen, even when I have tell him things he doesn’t want to hear.   Don’t be afraid to press in and say the challenging things – but be sure you have your child’s heart first.

Our parenting roles and responsibilities change what they look like over  the years, but we are always responsible to speak the truth in love.  Speaking the truth isn’t usually the hard part for lots of parents. – having our kids’ hearts isn’t as easy.  But for our kids, knowing that there is first a foundation of love and acceptance in your home and in your relationship with them makes hearing the truth possible.

They know they need the truth, but first they’ll come looking for the heart-connection in your love.

Make sure you leave the laundry room door open.

Do you have a plan?

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We were asked by our pastor Chris McGarvey this week if we have a plan.  A plan for reading?  A plan for praying?  A plan for purposeful growth.

He has a variety of Bible reading plans listed on his blog, they’re all good – any one of them will be profitable.

But I saw this plan for praying for our children today and wanted to link to it.

How encouraging to read of a man and his wife praying for their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren in the same, faithful way – week in and week out, month in and month out, year in and year out.  So often I’m tempted to look to some new, creative way to talk to God, but He is not the one growing bored with our conversation – I am.  Ouch.

How refreshing to read that it is good and proper and right to simply and yet faithfully bring our little flock before the Good Shepherd.  He delights in the details of each of their lives – he does not grow tired or complacent because we pray, again, for our children to be faithful.  He is pleased with that prayer every single time.

Here is the list – again, any one of them will be profitable.  But can you imagine the godly legacy you will establish for generations to come if your children are covered with and exposed to this kind of consistent, faithful prayer?

(FYI… there is more to this list!!  Please click on the link above and visit Andy Naselli’s blog to read the rest – you won’t regret it!)

by J. D. and Kim Crowley

[The Crowleys have six children, and J. D. is a pioneer missionary-linguist in Cambodia.]

Faith

  1. Grant them a heart of repentance from sin.
  2. Give them faith in Christ from an early age.
  3. Fill them with your Holy Spirit, and may they bear the fruit of the Spirit.
  4. Lead them to be baptized into your church.
  5. Make them members of a strong church with godly elders.
  6. Give them spiritual gifts for use in the church, and help them faithfully use them.
  7. Lead them always to increase in holiness.
  8. Keep them within the orthodox faith of Christ and the apostles.
  9. Protect them from false teachers and false teaching.
  10. Make them fruitful proclaimers of the gospel, filled with love for all.
  11. Make them humbly committed to daily prayer.
  12. Give them hunger for daily Bible reading.
  13. Fill them with love and forbearance toward others.
  14. Help them endure trials with faith and joy.
  15. Help them guard their conscience.
  16. May their lives be like the sun that rises stronger and stronger until the full of day.

Wisdom

  1. Give them hearts that constantly overflow with thankfulness.
  2. Make them peacemakers.
  3. Give them a vocation/skill/work that provides for their family and is useful to society.
  4. Give them a sense of purpose and joy in their life work.
  5. Rescue them from the fear of man.
  6. Provide for them a good education.
  7. Help them apply themselves diligently to their studies and other work.
  8. Rescue them from laziness and dishonesty.

Influences and Relationships…

Candy and chips for dinner

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I recently learned that on an evening when my husband and I were out, one of my children offered a friend candy and chips for dinner.

Nice.

Let’s just say that this friend’s parents weren’t exactly thrilled, shall we?

There is something that I learned early on in my parenting that I think more parents should know:  my kids are a bad influence on your kids.

I know, it’s a little shocking, but it’s true.

But here’s the really shocking part:  your kids are a bad influence on mine, too.

Proverbs is clear – kids are fools.   Proverbs 22:15 says so:  Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…

Children, left to their own devices, will lead other kids down bad roads.  They will help them make poor choices.  They will give really bad advice, and they will not learn to put another’s best interest first for quite some time.

If you think about it, that’s kind of what parenting is really all about – teaching our kids to be wise and discerning adults.  We teach them the Word and we use tools like work and consequences and rewards – but in the end, we want our children to grow up to be wise adults who know and love God and their neighbors – right?

We don’t want them to be fools forever.  After all, fools don’t produce anything positive and they don’t get on very well in life, do they?  Proverbs describes the difference in life for the fool compared to life for the wise pretty well – here are a few examples:

The naïve inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge – Proverbs 14:18

Folly is joy to him who lacks sense, but a man of understanding walks straight – Proverbs 15:21

Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs, rather than a fool in his folly – Proverbs 17:12

And this one from the book of Ecclesiastes is especially descriptive:

Dead flies make a perfumer’s oil stink, so a little foolishness is weightier than wisdom and honor.  A wise man’s heart directs him toward the right, but the foolish man’s heart directs him toward the left.  Even when the fool walks along the road his sense is lacking, and he demonstrates to everyone that he is a fool.

Being called a fool is not a compliment.  It’s not funny.  It’s not “honest mistakes”.  It’s a preference to go the wrong way.  A lack of discernment or discretion.  It’s our depravity on display.

And yet, foolishness is bound in the hearts of our children.

It is hard work to remove it from them, but Prov 22:15 concludes that the rod of discipline will do the job.  Discipline, wise counsel, talking of these things as we lie down and get up, and sit and walk along the way – it all takes time.  Lots and lots and lots of time.  Kids are fools for a while.

So in the mean time, if my children offer yours junk food, or suggest they watch a stupid TV show, or a stupid You-Tube video or read twaddle or light matches where they shouldn’t or tell inappropriate jokes…. (you get the picture)…

Please remember that my children are fools.  Use the encounter with folly to teach your children not be foolish and I will endeavor to do the same.

But between us parents, let’s help and encourage each other in our task.  Let’s build each other up and continue to spur one another on to love and good deeds.  Let us not grow weary in doing good for in due season we shall reap a good harvest if we do not grow weary.  And in the mean time, let’s try hard to remember to, “Be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another even as God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven you.”

And while you’re working hard to do all that, my prayer for you is this, may “the Lord bless you and keep you.  The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.  The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.”

Amen.

Seeing hope through God’s calling of the next generation… Now

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There are lots of ways to look around you and see God’s mighty hands at work in majestic, but sometimes tiny or slow ways.  I try to be ever more and more aware of the evidences of this around me – hence the impetus for this blog!

But sometimes His work is undeniably bold and big and so… evident.

That’s what I’m seeing all around me today.

I’m smack in the middle of almost 500 teenagers excited for their opportunities to get up in front of audiences – ranging in size from 2 or 3 to hundreds at a time – to present speeches, articulate well-reasoned ideas, and even entertain, but mostly to learn how to give an answer for the hope that is within them.

500 kids who know how to intelligently and winsomely articulate and share their faith.  500 kids who are already able to make an impact for the kingdom in the world around them.  500 kids who are being trained to think biblically, research both sides of an issue and understand those who disagree with them.  500 kids who are perhaps nervous when they get up in front of those audiences, but who have learned to not let that stop them from saying what they believe needs to be said.

And this is just the top of the competition list – the fortunate ones who made it to this level.  There are hundreds and hundreds more who did extremely well.  Hundreds more kids who are ready to speak with boldness and clarity the  Good News.

It is humbling to be here surrounded by so many gifted and talented kids.  It’s encouraging to see and hear how God is training them, molding them – using them even now.

It makes me want to do better in my own articulation of the truth.  It makes me glad we serve a God who chooses the seemingly foolish things of this world – like teenagers having something valuable to contribute – to confound the seemingly wise.  I wish that more of them would catch the vision of the bigger, higher purposes that God would have them participate with him on.  But I am glad, for now, to be in the midst of almost 500 kids who love the Lord and aren’t afraid or incapable of standing up in front of people and saying so.  You go guys!

http://www.ncfca.org